Thursday, January 26, 2012


The other day I went to my normal doctor to see if he couldn't help me with this cold I've had for awhile.  I haven't been there for a long time so they didn't know I was 13 weeks pregnant when I first came in.

The first they did was of course weigh me.  I stepped up and we looked at the scale:  125.2 lbs.  The nurse looked and chirped happily "Oh good for you!  You lost six pounds!"

Again, I hadn't told her I was pregnant yet.  She didn't know that I have been worrying about losing weight for the past three months.  She didn't say this as a disparaging remark and had no reason to think it would hurt my feelings.  In fact, she was trying to be super nice and encouraging, because what woman doesn't want to be thinner - right?

Actually, 125 is low for me.  Unhealthily low.  At 130 (my normal when I'm depressed/recovering from depression) I look like a zombie.  My face loses all fat and sinks in.  The circles under my eyes are more prominent.  My hips and butt verge on boyish.  At 125 even my breasts (which used to be ample) are gone.  I look like a sad, sad, old woman.  Six pounds isn't anything to celebrate.  However, isn't it always the way that weight loss is celebrated - no matter the situation.  I'm reminded of a joke by Kathy Griffin that when she found out her sister had cancer she was jealous that she was going to be so skinny.

I feel like this is a mostly female thing.  I don't think that men go to the doctor and get a cheer squad on the scale.  Honestly, do they even get a comment either way?  When I was pregnant with Emily I gained one pound in a week.  The nurse, without any prompting, patted me on the shoulder and said "Don't worry, that's probably all baby weight gain."  Would anyone think to try and reassure a man over a single pound?

Even my daughter is stuck on it.  She was a super chubby baby.  Nurses would comment and say that she was a very pretty baby (she so is) but so fat.  The problem there is the "but," as if that keeps her from being as pretty as she could be.  And she wasn't even a year old yet!

I don't know when we thought that weight was suddenly the topic that was allowed to be discussed openly and without tact.  I think maybe we should go back to discussing it like we discuss laundry:  we don't.  Not unless you're helping to do it!

Tuesday, January 17, 2012

Spread it around

On New Year's Eve I took Emily to the Hawaii Children's Discovery Center for their "Countdown to Noon" Balloon Drop.  We had a great time playing there, we always do.  The Balloon Drop was less than exciting, mostly because I had to pull Emily out from the big drop because parents kept stepping on her.  Let me repeat that:  Parents kept pushing her around and stepping on her.  The kids were very careful around all the smaller babies.

I try to take Emily to the Discovery Center often.  It's fun and she can touch and play with whatever she wants.  However, I do try to avoid it when it's super busy because things can get a little rowdy.  The exceptions are holidays like Halloween and New Year's.  Also, every time we've gone to the Center when it was full Emily and I have both caught some awful cold.  We get away germ free when it's not full.

So of course since I took her when it was packed we are now both fighting a particularly icky cold.  This not only means we both feel terrible, we don't get to go do anything.  We don't get to do anything because when my kid is a mess of germ infested snot I try to keep her away from kids who are not covered in germ infested snot.  Call me crazy, but I just think it's good manners.

Of course now that I am sick, hot, tired, and really, really, crabby I have this great desire to find the parents who took their sick kid to the Discovery Center at New Years and pass this little snot-bug back to them.  In my most vindictive I fantasize that it has already mutated and those parents will be blessed with at least a whole week of grouchy, unhappy kids and a hacking cough that keeps them out of school and bored with daytime television.  Ha-ha-ha--achoo.

But I won't.  Because I don't want to get people sick.  Well not the nice people anyway.

Monday, January 9, 2012


The other day my husband asked me "If you had a super power, which one would you want?" and I answered "To get by without needing sleep."

Because for the past few weeks I've had to get by without any sleep.  Emily went through a phase where she would sleep for 20 minutes to an hour before she'd wake up and cry.  Not fuss, not whine, she'd cry.  And it took a lot to settle her down.  For naps in the day she'd go down for about half and hour, then it was go-go-go time again.  She fell asleep in the car on the way back from Costco and I literally thought of pulling over and napping in the car with her.

Of course I initially blame this strange phase on teeth.  Because that is the big cosmic joke isn't it?  You're a baby, you have to grow tall, learn to walk, talk, eat, and ask for help in pretty much everything you do.  Also - you have to do it all while in terrible, irritating, pain.  Then when all the teeth come in and you're finally finished - they fall out and you have to do it all over again.  Welcome to the world.

Despite my tooth-theory Emily has finally gone back to sleeping longer (2-3 1/2 hours at a time) and she still has the same amount of teeth she had before.  But the dark circles under her eyes are gone and I feel more sane.  So maybe they were invisible teeth.

It's amazing how much those extra hours have helped with my relationship with my daughter and my unborn baby.  When sleep deprived I did not want to have another baby and I did not want to play with my current baby.  Emily was bored.  I was tired.  Life generally sucked for both of us.  Now with some sleep I've noticed the milestones Emily made while not sleeping.  She likes to point at pictures in books now.  She has finally figured out the shapes and holes bucket (previously she'd try, then take the lid off and put them in the bucket that way).  Her new favorite food are clementines and she calls them "Mama."  Generally, she's an amazing child.  I had no idea because I was too tired.

Also, while I wasn't sleeping my other baby grew arms and legs and when you look at it through an ultrasound you can see its little head being...headlike.  When I stare at the picture now I see how amazing it is that these kids can grow so much in such little time.  Which is a huge improvement from a week ago when all I could see was how annoying it was that they can get by on such little sleep.