Gauntlet Thrown

I've mostly been writing up my daily tidbits in Facebook statuses, but watching a three year old becoming a three year old really deserves a blog post.   When else do you get to see a person actually attempt to change the laws of nature and reason to suit their preferences?  When else do you get challenged to make the impossible happen: everyday?  Toddlerhood, that's when

The other week Baba (my Father) was teasing Emily when she asked for a bagel.   He asked her what kind he wanted, round?

Emily heard brown and had a freak out that she only wanted a white bagel with white cheese.  It took a few minutes to calm her down and explain that round meant the shape of a circle.

Then, because we moved from color preferences to shapes she started to insist on a diamond shaped bagel.  Again, there was a fight of wills as I attempted to explain that bagels only come in circles.

Then Daddy can home.  Not knowing how long we'd already discussed this bagel he promptly cut the edges off and voila: diamond bagel.

Mommy is a liar and Daddy is a push over.

Of course, now that she knows this can be done Emily insists on having diamond bagels everyday.  It hasn't been that bad.  I give the edges to Sarah because they are the perfect size for a baby.  This morning, however, Emily presented a new challenge.

She wants a diamond bagel, but she doesn't want me to cut the bagel.

And go...

Post postpartum depression

Emily is now 2 1/2 and Sarah is 7 months. When Emily was 7 months I was still in the twilight zone of PPD. I could see the happy, giggly baby before me, but I couldn't respond to her.

The more Sarah grows the more aware of how different parenting is when you are "normal." Sarah is a joy. Her milestones are awesome. Having her crawl all over me is lovely. She smells good. I like playing with toys with her and I get a kick out of finding new ways to engage her.

Similarly, Emily's stories are a thrill. Yesterday she told me a long story about how her dinosaur would help her open the door and then there would be grandma and baba! I loved all 30 minutes of this story.

Probably the most pronounced difference though is changing diapers. When Emily was little she would smile and giggle while I changed her. I realize now that while I thought I was interacting with her in fact I just stood there. There was no smile, no talking, no giggling on my end. Now with Sarah there is lots of giggling and talking and teasing while I change a diaper. I can physically feel the difference in my face muscles between now and before. It is a strange feeling to feel like both women in that moment. The one who is truly part of the world and the one that was behind a glass wall.

Not only is is strange feeling, it's a scary one. I always wonder if that depression will come back. Did I escape it since I didn't get depressed after Sarah? Or is it just waiting to come out late? When Emily goes to school and its just me and one baby again? Or when they both leave and I'm left with my husband? Or maybe when they both need me the most and suddenly I'll be stuck again. Behind a wall.

WIP Wednesday

This week has been great for my knitting. Since Im so darn close to yarn shops, with actual yarn in them, here I have got tons of projects going.

First, I'm super stoked to get the Jan Sweater, which was started back in April 2012, finished. Both bodice pieces are done and one sleeve is finished.

Second, I joined a one skein KAL this month and it has come out lovely. I wish I'd used a pink or red yarn, but the yellow and blue is sweet anyway.

Third, since my jan sweater is coming to an end I finally started a sweater for my kids. The baby gets an owl sweater in pink, which was casted on. The toddler will get the same in purple (she picked the color), and I get one in burgundy.

Matching owl sweaters? Yes please!

Diapers

Today Emily chose pull-ups for her diapers. Does this mean she's finally ready for potty training? I dunno. However, isn't it odd that, with all these busy days and much going on, this is the biggest most exciting part of today.

Maybe it's the feminist in me

My toddler was playing with the iPad the other day and opened my Words With Friends App. The next morning I realized she had started a game with a person I play with but don't know personally (He was a random opponent like a month ago and we just keep playing).

I thought that was funny, and I now have two games started with him so I sent a message explaining: "My toddler actually started this game!"

He responded: "Wow! He must be really smart!"

Yes...SHE is.

That's the hell of equality for women. This could be a simple mistake, or just an autopilot. It could mean nothing. Or it could mean that it's far more expected for a male toddler to be smart than for a female. Which is unacceptable. Seriously, from a woman who spent her childhood hearing "She's really smart for a girl" it is really, truly, unacceptable.

On the twelfth day of Christmas

I got a five month old who not only sits up, but can play on her own. Today I watched as my tiny little baby happily sat on the floor and played with her giraffe. No help from Mama. No need for her sister to hold her up. When did she decide to grow up?

Sometimes, like yesterday, I think only the big things are worth noting. Then I have a day where my kids remind me that just watching them growing up is big enough.

2013

I have tried this blogging thing many different times. It goes in fits and starts - I'd get pretty good at keeping up, then stop as other things distracted me. The biggest problem was when I ended up doing something just a little interesting I'd be to busy with it to blog about it. So mostly I've blogged about the more boring parts of my life and as it is a tiny life already that can mean pretty mundane blogging.

This year I will try to blog about the interesting stuff.

We started the new year in Las Vegas. That sounds more exciting that it was. We celebrated early with a birthday dinner for my grandmother-in-law. It was a fancy dinner at Nove Italiano on the top of the Palms hotel. I believe our family will be debating which dish was the best for years to come ( in our house we're still trying to decide between the Nove Spaghetti with seafood to the 45 day dry aged New York strip with balsamic glaze).

Speaking of our house: we are not in it. Well, not till June at least. My husband has a military thing to do in Monterey, CA and we have moved all four of us out here for the next few months. The plan is for my husband to not miss the the baby's big milestones and to have a bit of an adventure as a family. So far I've been in Monterey for four days and I love it. We're enjoying the cold weather, so different from our home in Ewa, and I love the view of the ocean. I look forward to the trips and adventures that are so close to our little temporary home.

I also look forward to getting a chance to write about it and reflect on how awesome my life can be at times.